It's Monday again but.....I REFUSE!!!!

Well, it is Monday again. As I sit here I think of the week ahead of me. I have a mound of laundry that will get mostly done today but then will become a mound again before the week is up. There are dishes to do. Amber's birthday is Saturday and she is having a sleep over so I have work to do to get that ready. But......the main thing that is on my mind is wondering where will God use me this week? I posted a few posts back about a song I heard that caught my attention and said that when I found it I would post it. I found it! It is I Refuse by Josh Wilson. This video has the words to it also. Take a few minutes and listen to it, read the words as he sings it. Let it get into your heart. If we all take this attitude on that is in this song I wonder how we could change the world?
(Scroll to the bottom and pause my music player and then click on this video to play it)

A challenge for myself and you

I heard a song this morning that really got me thinking. I wish I could tell you who sings it or even the name but I have no clue. It talked about how we as the body of Christ need to stand up and do what we are supposed to for the kingdom instead of waiting for someone else to do it.

It got me thinking about God's call on my life, or on ALL of our lives. We as Christians are all called to help the needy, minister to the widows, love the unloved. I am guilty. I have not done this enough in the past. I believe we have a responsibility to stand up for what we believe in, do what is right and look for opportunities daily to do God's work. I am always amazed at how small my problems seem when I try to focus on others and their needs.

I want to challenge anyone who is up for it. I think we should pray each morning and ask God how we can be His hands extended for that day. It could be something as small as helping someone at the store reach an item that is too high for them or something as big as cleaning a friend's house that has been in the hospital. We just need to look for ways to bless others. One easy way to figure out something you can do is to really listen to others when you are talking with them. Just by them telling you how their day is going you may find out that they have a need that you are able to meet.

Whenever I figure out what that song is I will post it on here. It is worth hearing! On another note, I have updated our family pictures on the side. Take a look at how grown up my little ones are now. Hope you have a blessed day!

Tammy Trent-I'm Letting Go

*You may want to scroll down and turn off my music player so you can hear this song.*



I'm laying down my burdens
I'm laying down my pain
Every care and worry that is written in this face
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm laying down rebellion
I'm laying down my pride
All the broken promises within this broken life
I'm letting go, I'm letting go

Holding nothing back from You
Ready to do all the things You call me to
Holy hands are reaching up to You
I surrender, I surrender
I'm letting go

I'm pulling down the image
The idols I let stand
I'm holding to the hope that's sure
They're resting in Your hands
I'm letting go, I'm letting go

I'm bowing in Your presence
Poured out before Your throne
To be a living sacrifice and follow You alone
I'm letting go, I'm letting go

Holding nothing back from You
Ready to do all the things You call me to
Holy hands are reaching up to You

I surrender, here I stand
I surrender, all I am
I surrender, my heart sings
I surrender

Holding nothing back from You
Ready to do all the things You call me to
Holy hands are reaching up to You
I surrender, I surrender
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

Today I am leaving for the RAMP in Hamilton, AL and I am SO excited! I am ready for the next level that God has for me. When I listened to this song earlier it explained exactly how I felt.

When I go to a women's conference or something like that I want to have my heart prepared before I get there. I have gone before and carried all my "junk" in with me and it took the whole weekend to get what I need from God. Well, I have learned that it is much better to get rid of the "junk" before I go and be able to receive from the moment I get there. That is my plan for today too! I can't wait to see what God is gonna do!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Peace in the Storm.....

It seems that I am seeing storms more and more in the lives of those I love. It is very hard because I am a fixer. I see those around me hurting and I want to make it all better. As this happens, I am learning that it isn't my job to be "the fixer". That is God's job.

Psalm 107: 28 and 29

“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,

and he saved them from their distress.
He calmed the storm to a whisper
and stilled the waves.

We have got to get to the place that when the storms come we cry out to God! He desires to help us and to calm our storms. The problem comes when we try to fix it without asking for God's help first though.

In the midst of our storms, when we ask for God's help first, we can have total peace while the storm rages around us. And then God will calm the storm right before our eyes. I am learning a little each day that as I allow God to calm my storms it makes things so much easier!!!

New Year Resolution....

My only New Year's Resolution this year is to read my Bible all the way through for the first time. I have tried so many times before and never made it through the whole Bible. I have found a really cool blog to help me with this though. It is the One Year Bible Blog. It gives you something from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs. I am really excited about this! Go and check it out here if you are interested in doing this too.

I am also gonna try to be healthy and lose weight but that is an ongoing thing that I am making a life change and not a yearly change anymore. So Happy New Year to you all and I pray that you have a great one!

Pray for Obama!

Before you read this know that I will not be bashing anyone and please keep your comments positive. Now we shall move on!


OK, I voted for McCain. BUT... Obama is now my president. This was my very first time voting. I am 32 years old and I finally realized the importance of my vote. Some might say that it doesn't matter if they vote or that one vote will not make a difference. Well, my thoughts are that if we go and vote then we can say that we did our part. So I did my part.

I have to honestly say that when I first realized that Obama won, I was sad and had some mixed emotions. But I have been taught by my pastors that WHOEVER our president is we are to support and pray for them. That is our job as Christians. I trust God and I believe that if it weren't God's will for this man to be our president then he wouldn't be. Too much prayer went into this election. And I believe that when we pray, God hears us. And my prayers were for the right man to be in office, not who I wanted to get it.

So in closing this post, I want to say, please pray for President Obama and support him. He has a tough job ahead of him and he needs our support. And I believe that God EXPECTS us to do this!

AWESOME video!!!

OK So this video is from the youth at my church, First Assembly of God-Milan TN. They are so anointed and amazing! My niece Kassie is in it and I love that kid so much! She just turned 15 yesterday and I want to be just like her when I grow up! LOL She is the one on the left standing up covering her face when it starts.


Just click on the link and watch the video. You will be blessed!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIk08qs2sVQ

Peanut testing...

Well, we are home from the appointment. We didn't get the answer we wanted but God is still good.

First the bad news- Jacob is still severely allergic to peanuts.

Good news- the test was negative for all other nuts. PRAISE GOD!!

We will be experimenting here at home with him soon with some walnuts or pecans. The doctor said to give him a slither of the nut every hour until he gets a whole nut. We need to get his Epipen filled first.

The reason he ate the cereal and had no reaction is a little complicated but I will try to explain. When he goes for a long time(8 years) without any peanut in his system his body builds up antibodies against the allergy. Once the peanuts get into his system, the antibodies slowly die away. So had he eaten a few more bowls of the cereal he probably would have reacted. There was some doctors trying to make a vaccine for peanut allergies but it didn't work like it needed to so they have had to start over. So I guess the prayers now need to be for the doctors to find what they need to to help these kids that are allergic.

More good news is that we found out that peanut oil that is used to cook with is not dangerous for Jacob. So he can eat at places that use peanut oil. Today he ate fries at Chick-Fil-A and he was all smiles! LOL

Once we found out that he is still allergic Jacob just cried. He was very disappointed. I told him that God brings good out of everything and he looked at me with his broken eyes and said,"Momma, there is nothing good about this." That was tough my friends! I can convince myself that God can bring good out of things all day long but looking at my little 9 year old in his sad face, how can I convince him? Today it was hard being a momma. After a while of talking about the positive, he is feeling much better.

So thank all of you for your prayers. Continue the prayers for the doctors with the research. And pray that Jacob will find God's good out of all of it.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Let's recap...

~OK, September the 5th my mom came to stay with us. The next week Jacob spent most of the week sick and had pain in his stomach. We went to the dr and got that resolved, now he is doing better.

~September the 20th my mom and I both got sick, me with an EVIL stomach virus(thought I might DIE!) my mom with what we thought was the virus.

~September 21st took mom to ER and find out she has bowel obstruction.

~September 23rd, one year anniversary of my step dad's death(mom's husband) and the day she has surgery.

~October 5th(or around there) Jacob begins to run a fever and cough terribly. He still has the nasty cough 12 days later. (Allergies?)

~October 9th mom throws up all day, I take her to the ER that night. While there I have a severe panic attack and have to leave her there while I come home to figure out if it really is a panic attack or if I am getting sick. They can't find anything wrong with her and my panic attack goes away after a while. We get home and as I am about to go to bed I see the hugest spider I have ever seen. I hit it with a fly swatter and hundreds of baby spiders go everywhere!!!

~October 10th Nathan and Amber begin running a fever and coughing. This is still going on. Yesterday we find out they have bronchitis. Along with the fever and coughing comes throwing up from coughing too much, not wanting to eat, BAD runny diapers for Nate and potty troubles for Amber, lots of crying and bad attitudes and lack of sleep. During this time George has also gotten the same crud that the kids have.

~October 16th(early this morning) George and I both wake up at the same time throwing up and me having bad stomach pain. George is ok after he gets sick but I am still having some times of bad cramping in my stomach. Thank God that my mom was here. She let us sleep in and took care of the kids. George and I were laying in the bed and I began to sing the song from church,"This Is How We Overcome". And I asked George how we were supposed to overcome from this. He said to stay in bed! LOL

Even though we seem to continue to get hit with trials and sickness, I know that God is in control. He loves us and wants the best for us. We will get through this and be stronger in the end. We will praise Him in this storm! And THIS, my friends, is how I overcome!!!

(And by the way, George fixed the kids TV/DVD player!)
:0)

How do you overcome?

This could be a pretty deep question. It is one that I have thought a lot about lately.

How do I overcome?

Well, let me give you a few examples of how I have overcome in the past.

~overeating

~calling a friend on the phone

~throwing a fit

~getting angry

~having a pity party.....

You get the idea. Well, I am learning that not only are these not really ways to overcome, they are very unhealthy ways to deal with problems. In the past when I have tried to overcome by these examples, I only hurt myself. And I was not really accomplishing the task of trying to overcome.

I just googled the word "overcome and here is what I found-

over·come

1.to get the better of in competition, struggle, etc.; conquer
2.to master, prevail over, or surmount to overcome obstacles
3.to make helpless; overpower or overwhelm

WOW!!!! Reading that was a moment for me!!!

To get the better of in a struggle, to conquer, to overcome obstacles, to make helpless! So this to me means that when we truly overcome we make the enemy helpless!!!!

Now back to my original point.

The way that I now overcome is to praise through the storm, in the midst of a battle I sing praises to my Daddy God, instead of getting angry or depressed I choose to be happy and positive. And just to make this clear, I have NO power in myself to do any of this. Yes, I do have a choice each day to either be positive or negative BUT GOD is the one that gives me the power to make that choice.

So in closing this post, really think about this question, How do you overcome?

Praising through the storm

Hello all!

If you are just now checking out my blog, scroll down and read the post from last night. It is good stuff!

Today my family didn't go to church because of my 2 little ones being very sick. Me, my mom and Jacob will be going tonight but we had to miss this morning. I went to get our groceries for the week since I didn't go to church. I didn't want to go tomorrow while George is at work so I took my chance while I had it. Anyway, while I was at Wal-Mart getting my groceries I noticed that gas there is down to $2.86!!!! Praise the Lord!!!! It has been getting higher and higher, I was beginning to think it would never go down.

Jacob is still coughing, Amber and Nate are both coughing something terrible and they both have a fever. Amber was vomiting this morning because her cough was so bad. And Nate has had 3-4 watery diapers. I guess it is all from the crud they have. Amber and Jacob have also complained with their heads hurting. Earlier I was holding Amber and it had been about 45 minutes since I had given her fever medicine and she was still burning up. So I prayed for her and had to remember my post from last night. I chose to be thankful that it isn't any worse and praise God through it.

I know that God will get us through this and we WILL praise Him through this storm!!!!

weary no longer...

Psalms 63:1

1 O God, you are my God,earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

It seems like the last couple of months I have been in a funk. You know, when you pray and you feel like there is a glass ceiling above you and your prayers are just bouncing off. A lot of this feeling is because I have allowed myself to grow weary. In all of the well doing and just living my life I have allowed the enemy to sneak in with weariness. Well, no longer!!!!

I am going to earnestly seek Him no matter what I FEEL. I am tired of being in this dry and weary land where there is no water! My soul thirsts and my body longs for Him. And I have so many times seen Him and beheld His power and His everlasting glory! He is so much better than anything I have EVER experienced or ever will. His love is better than life itself and I will praise Him and my lips will sing praises to Him!!!!

I have to say here that all of this sounds great and all but in the midst of trial and the dry lands when I am no longer feeling Him what will my response be? Well, it will be a choice to still praise Him and realize how amazing He is, no matter what.

I want to make it clear that it is a choice I make every day. It is not some miracle feeling that makes me serve my Daddy God each morning when I get up. It is because I owe Him my life! As of right now I am in the midst of the dry lands still but I am choosing to reach up toward His hand and allow Him to pull me out of the dry lands. And in all reality it is a choice I am making every minute, not just every morning. When I get up- I choose to be happy and grateful that He has given me another day, when my kids are sick and crying- I choose to praise Him and believe that the fever will go away soon, when I have too many people calling my name at once and I feel like I am going to have a panic attack if I hear my name one more time- I choose to allow Him to be my peace.

God is my everything and living for Him isn't just something I do, it is who I am. I feel like if I go one day without my best friend, God, I might just die. He is the breath I breathe, He is the calm in my storms, He is the love I have in my heart for the people around me that may not be so nice to me, He is my everything!

This post has gone nothing like I had planned when I got on here so I hope and pray that whoever this is for, you will allow God to speak to you through my ramblings and that I have been used to help get you to the next place God has for you.

I have slacked in my posting and I am really going to try and get back to this. In the last few weeks I have felt like there were things that God put in my heart to post and I just didn't find the time. It is also a great tool for me to get things out of my head and see them so that God can show me things that I may have been ignoring.

Well, that is all for tonight. I pray that each of you have a blessed Sunday and that God will use each of you to change the life of someone who needs you.

New favorite song!

You all have GOT to hear this song that I just heard.
I am posting the video from YouTube and also posting the words. It is from Kari Jobe and I LOVE her music! She is so anointed and this song really ministered to me. Please listen and let God minister to you through it.
You know the drill, scroll down, pause my music player and then play the video.
(I tried to put spaces in between the lines of the song and it won't let me, sorry it looks jumbled!)

My Beloved

Written by Kari Jobe and Klaus Kuehn

You’re My beloved, you’re My bride

To sing over you is My delight

Come away with Me, My love

Under My mercy, come and wait

Till we are standing face to face

I see no stain on you, My child

You’re Beautiful to Me

So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace

Cast all your cares down at My feet

Come and find your rest in Me

I’ll breathe My life inside of you

I’ll bear you up on eagle’s wings

And hide you in the shadow of my strength

I’ll take you to my quiet waters

I’ll restore your soul

Come rest in Me and be made whole

Rejoicing comes in the morning!

Where to start? The last few weeks have really been a blur. I have just been trying to get through every second without losing it. Looking back over my blog and who I was at the beginning to who I am now, I feel like I have gone backwards. I am not the same person. I feel like I have no insight or encouragement about God. I feel like I am not really sure who I am.

BUT....... that is all about to change!

I went to the doctor again on Friday and all my tests results were normal. I have been diagnosed with anxiety/panic attack disorder. Since February of this year I have been having panic attacks and didn't know that was what they were. In the last 2 weeks it had gotten to where I couldn't even go to Wal-Mart because the anxiety was so severe. I have a few close friends who have seen me have a panic attack but only my husband and my children have seen how bad it really got. At one point I thought I would have to go away for a while to a mental hospital or something to get better. It was bad. I couldn't cook for my family, I couldn't give my kids a bath nor could I play with my kids. Monday of this week it all came to a head and it was like I was having a panic attack all day long. I lost it!

My doctor and I have a plan for about the next 6 months and hopefully I can be totally better by then. Right now I am having to take nerve pills 1-2 times a day and they have started me on an antidepressant.
*And I have to ask here, please do not comment anything negative about antidepressants, weather it be your experience or something you may have heard because I think it would just cause me more chaos and anxiety. I have researched it and I know the risks and I have talked to a few people who are taking them. For me, right now, this is the only way that I can go forward with everyday basic life. The antidepressant is to help my body make serotonin. The doctor thinks that my body is low of this because of the stress and I need help to get it leveled out.

My doctor believes that because of all the things I have been through in the last year I am now dealing with this. I only have to take the nerve pills for the first month until the antidepressant gets to working good and then I will only be taking the antidepressant. The nerve pill is so I will hopefully not have any more panic attacks.

Many of you know that my mother has an addiction to prescription pills and that makes this tough for me to have to take pills. I know that I am not like her though and that I will be OK. But it is still tough.

Please just pray for me in the next few weeks that this new medicine will work and do what it is supposed to do.

I will still be posting here and there. And I will update you all on how I am feeling as I get better.
Thank you all for your prayers so far and for the continued prayers.

The last few weeks I have felt like I have been in the midnight and I felt like it would be forever before I would see my morning, but I have to say that I can see the dawn approaching! God hasn't left me nor forsaken me, just gotten my attention to let Him have the control that I have been trying so hard to hold onto.

Psalm 30:5 .....Weeping may remain for a night,but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Awesome music.....

Good Saturday morning. I wanted to share a song with you that has really touched my heart. It is "Heal the Wound" from Point of Grace.

Here are the lyrics.

HEAL THE WOUND

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar



The part that really caught my ear was:
"I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar."

I have always wanted to forget where I came from because it always made me feel so dirty and bad. I knew I was free from my past and that God had cleansed me but I wanted to never remember it again. I have tried to cover those scars all of my life. Even though the wounds are healed I didn't know how to really deal with the scars. But seeing those scars is what keeps me on my knees and reminds me how merciful God is. Even though I'm free-Heal the wound but PLEASE God, leave the scars!

Here is the video from YouTube. Make sure to go all the way down on my page and pause my other music before you play this video. Listen to the words and let God minister to you through this song like He has me!

I have AMAZING news!!!!!!

I wanted to share with you all that my little Amber prayed tonight and asked Jesus into her heart!!!
Today she got upset because she couldn't hear God talking to her. She was talking to Him but couldn't hear Him talking back. And she said that she guessed that she didn't have Jesus living in her heart anymore. I didn't really know how to talk about this. She had never asked Jesus to live in her heart. So when I put her to bed we talked all about it and I prayed the sinners prayer with her and she was so excited! She even had to tell God she was sorry for breaking one of Nathan's toys when she was 3! How precious!!!!! She is only 4 now. But I think she is such a big girl now.
I had to tell you all, I am so proud of her!
Hope you all have a great night!!!!

Balance!!!!!!

1 Peter 5:8

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

~

Good Tuesday morning all! As you can see, God has been speaking to me a little about self-control. So I thought it only fair to share it with you too! LOL

~

Seriously, we are coming up on the start of our school year and I am having trouble doing the little things I know that I am supposed to do. Like getting up early, cleaning up my pantry(school area), DUSTING!!! It shouldn't be that hard! BUT.....I have spent the summer being...... well .....LAZY!!!!

~

I have this list of things that have got to get done before we start school and I have started on it but there is no motivation! Then I pick up my devotion book from Joyce Meyer and yesterday's entry was talking about making time with God a priority.

~

To quote my friend Joyce-"If the devil can't convince you to be idle and passive, he will drive you to do too much. As soon as you are out of balance he can devour you.(see 1 Peter 5:8 above) The word disciple comes from the word discipline. To be a disciple of Jesus, you must discipline yourself to follow his ways."

~

I never realized that the word "balance" was in the word of God! Interesting......

I will have to study more on that!

~

I don't think the devil is trying to get me to be too idle or give me too much to do. I think that I allowed myself to get out of balance and that is my current problem! I may be the only Jesus that someone else may ever see and I do NOT want them to see an unbalanced, frustrated, tired, unfocused Jesus. Well, that would be impossible because those traits do not flow when you talk about Jesus. He is the opposite of those things!

~

So now I know my mistake and I am in the beginning stages of fixing it. Or allowing God to fix it! Because without Him I can't do a thing to fix it!!!!

Please be praying for me.

~

Have a great Tuesday! God is GOOD!

His Mercy Is New Every Morning

Lamentations 3:22-24

22 Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

24 "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"Therefore I hope in Him!"

I have to apologize for being so weak lately. I had gotten my focus off and let a little stomach virus bring on the whining Michelle. I do struggle with this. When things get tough my old person would curl up in the fetal position and give up. But my new person knows that His mercy is new EVERY morning! No matter what we are going through, His faithfulness is great and we have to let Him be our portion and trust only in HIM!!!

I want to thank you all for your prayers. I truly have felt them today. I took my shower and felt so much better! I cleaned some on the bathrooms and cleaned my kitchen and living room. So now I have a head start on my Monday cleaning and getting all the germs out of the house.

I hope you all have a great Monday morning and awesome blessings all day!!!

Post #2 tonight

If you are just now checking in please scroll down and read my post right before this one first.

This post is about a new song that I love. I have heard it before done by Hillsong but I also love this version by Jeff Johnson. Once again, pause my music player at the bottom and play this video.

Here are the words.

From The Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else,

my purpose remains
The art of losing myself

in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Lord, I pray I will once again be totally consumed by You. I can't make it through any day without you especially days like today. God my soul cries out to be consumed by You and to let everything else take a back seat to You. Thank you God for Your mercy that You shower down on me. No matter how many times I stumble You always pick me up, dust me off, and love on me. My purpose remains no matter what happens in my life and I need You to live in my purpose. God, I love You from the inside out! The cry of my heart really is to ONLY bring You praise and that each and every day I know I have done Your will for my life. I am so glad that Your light shines when all else fades. I know that when everything else in my life seems uncertain You are constant and that I can ALWAYS depend on You. I give You complete control God. In Jesus' name, Amen!

I only shared my heart with you all tonight because I have hope that someone will be on the Internet searching for a strand of hope and find my site and find everlasting hope in the videos and the music and maybe through something I have shared.

Light in the darkness.......

That is what my Jesus is for me. He is my light when everything else fades and I feel hopeless. He is hope to me at these times. It is around midnight on the day of my birthday and I am up blogging because I am heartbroken. My family has had some trouble. My mother is an addict to prescription drugs, she has been since she was 13. She has once again taken too much and is at the hospital. There is more to this story, I can't share because it involves other people in my family and I don't really want to get in the middle of it all.

Yes it is tough because it is my birthday that she chooses to do this on, but more important I am heartbroken because she chooses to do this because she feels hopeless. A precious friend of mine told me tonight that I have got to pray and believe that God will take care of the situation and that I have got to put myself in His hands and let Him be my strength for a while. I told her that I don't feel like being strong anymore and that was her answer for me. (thanks JoAnna!)

This is a light bulb moment for me. The reason is because usually I would be so busy putting my mom and the rest of my family in His hands that I just forget about the healing and time in His hands that I may need. We spend so much time praying for others that I think we forget that we need to be put in His hands at times.

So I came across a couple of songs tonight that I want to share with you all.
They are both found on Jeff Johnson's Myspace page. This first song is Ruin Me. The second song will be in another post. Pause my music player at the bottom of my page and play this song. The reason this song gets me in my gut is because I so desperately need to get back to this place with my Daddy God. All I am is a sinner in His presence and I need to let Him ruin all the plans I have made for myself and let Him destroy any and all things I have put in His place. So that it is Him alone I live for. Not my husband, my children or myself. Here are the words.

Ruin Me

Woe to me I am unclean
A sinner found in Your presence
I see you seated on Your throne
Exalted, Your Glory surrounds You

Pre-chorus
Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare when I see your glory

Chorus
Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for. (repeat)

Bridge
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!

Repeat chorus