Light in the darkness.......

That is what my Jesus is for me. He is my light when everything else fades and I feel hopeless. He is hope to me at these times. It is around midnight on the day of my birthday and I am up blogging because I am heartbroken. My family has had some trouble. My mother is an addict to prescription drugs, she has been since she was 13. She has once again taken too much and is at the hospital. There is more to this story, I can't share because it involves other people in my family and I don't really want to get in the middle of it all.

Yes it is tough because it is my birthday that she chooses to do this on, but more important I am heartbroken because she chooses to do this because she feels hopeless. A precious friend of mine told me tonight that I have got to pray and believe that God will take care of the situation and that I have got to put myself in His hands and let Him be my strength for a while. I told her that I don't feel like being strong anymore and that was her answer for me. (thanks JoAnna!)

This is a light bulb moment for me. The reason is because usually I would be so busy putting my mom and the rest of my family in His hands that I just forget about the healing and time in His hands that I may need. We spend so much time praying for others that I think we forget that we need to be put in His hands at times.

So I came across a couple of songs tonight that I want to share with you all.
They are both found on Jeff Johnson's Myspace page. This first song is Ruin Me. The second song will be in another post. Pause my music player at the bottom of my page and play this song. The reason this song gets me in my gut is because I so desperately need to get back to this place with my Daddy God. All I am is a sinner in His presence and I need to let Him ruin all the plans I have made for myself and let Him destroy any and all things I have put in His place. So that it is Him alone I live for. Not my husband, my children or myself. Here are the words.

Ruin Me

Woe to me I am unclean
A sinner found in Your presence
I see you seated on Your throne
Exalted, Your Glory surrounds You

Pre-chorus
Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare when I see your glory

Chorus
Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for. (repeat)

Bridge
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!

Repeat chorus