A new blog for you to check out

Hello all! My friend Aprille from Clay in the Hands Of the Potter has a new blog. She is getting all crafty and making all kinds of stuff!

Click HERE to see her new blog!

New favorite song!

You all have GOT to hear this song that I just heard.
I am posting the video from YouTube and also posting the words. It is from Kari Jobe and I LOVE her music! She is so anointed and this song really ministered to me. Please listen and let God minister to you through it.
You know the drill, scroll down, pause my music player and then play the video.
(I tried to put spaces in between the lines of the song and it won't let me, sorry it looks jumbled!)

My Beloved

Written by Kari Jobe and Klaus Kuehn

You’re My beloved, you’re My bride

To sing over you is My delight

Come away with Me, My love

Under My mercy, come and wait

Till we are standing face to face

I see no stain on you, My child

You’re Beautiful to Me

So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace

Cast all your cares down at My feet

Come and find your rest in Me

I’ll breathe My life inside of you

I’ll bear you up on eagle’s wings

And hide you in the shadow of my strength

I’ll take you to my quiet waters

I’ll restore your soul

Come rest in Me and be made whole

New page......

Hello all! I decided that it was time for a new look on here. I hope you all enjoy it!

I just found out.....

that a person I had been praying for and posted about had lied and made up a story that he had cancer. The original post is here. Go and check it out and continue to pray for him and his family because there must be a mental sickness for him to do this.

Here is where I read the news.

Hope Now.....

Hello all.

I have had a great day today! God is so good. It seems that in times of trials He speaks to me through music quite a bit. Well, I have a favorite new song and of course I am gonna share it with you.
The name of it is Hope Now and it is by Addison Rode. I am gonna post the words here. And I have added it to my music player at the bottom of my page. Scroll down and find it in my list of music(it is the last one on the list) and click on it.
All I have is hope and faith to get me through these times. And THAT my friend is AWESOME!!!

Hope Now

If everything comes down to love

Then just what am I afraid of?

When I call out your name

Something inside awakes in my soul

How quickly I forget I’m yours

I’m not my own

I’ve been carried by you

All my life

Everything rides on hope now

Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down

Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm

Rising waters all I want is the shore

You say I’ll be ok

And make it through the rain

You are my shelter from the storm

I’m not my own

I’ve been carried by you

All my life

Everything rides on hope now

Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down

Your love set me free

You’ve become my heart’s desire

And I will sing your praises higher

Cause your love sets me free

Your love sets me free

Your love sets me free

Rejoicing comes in the morning!

Where to start? The last few weeks have really been a blur. I have just been trying to get through every second without losing it. Looking back over my blog and who I was at the beginning to who I am now, I feel like I have gone backwards. I am not the same person. I feel like I have no insight or encouragement about God. I feel like I am not really sure who I am.

BUT....... that is all about to change!

I went to the doctor again on Friday and all my tests results were normal. I have been diagnosed with anxiety/panic attack disorder. Since February of this year I have been having panic attacks and didn't know that was what they were. In the last 2 weeks it had gotten to where I couldn't even go to Wal-Mart because the anxiety was so severe. I have a few close friends who have seen me have a panic attack but only my husband and my children have seen how bad it really got. At one point I thought I would have to go away for a while to a mental hospital or something to get better. It was bad. I couldn't cook for my family, I couldn't give my kids a bath nor could I play with my kids. Monday of this week it all came to a head and it was like I was having a panic attack all day long. I lost it!

My doctor and I have a plan for about the next 6 months and hopefully I can be totally better by then. Right now I am having to take nerve pills 1-2 times a day and they have started me on an antidepressant.
*And I have to ask here, please do not comment anything negative about antidepressants, weather it be your experience or something you may have heard because I think it would just cause me more chaos and anxiety. I have researched it and I know the risks and I have talked to a few people who are taking them. For me, right now, this is the only way that I can go forward with everyday basic life. The antidepressant is to help my body make serotonin. The doctor thinks that my body is low of this because of the stress and I need help to get it leveled out.

My doctor believes that because of all the things I have been through in the last year I am now dealing with this. I only have to take the nerve pills for the first month until the antidepressant gets to working good and then I will only be taking the antidepressant. The nerve pill is so I will hopefully not have any more panic attacks.

Many of you know that my mother has an addiction to prescription pills and that makes this tough for me to have to take pills. I know that I am not like her though and that I will be OK. But it is still tough.

Please just pray for me in the next few weeks that this new medicine will work and do what it is supposed to do.

I will still be posting here and there. And I will update you all on how I am feeling as I get better.
Thank you all for your prayers so far and for the continued prayers.

The last few weeks I have felt like I have been in the midnight and I felt like it would be forever before I would see my morning, but I have to say that I can see the dawn approaching! God hasn't left me nor forsaken me, just gotten my attention to let Him have the control that I have been trying so hard to hold onto.

Psalm 30:5 .....Weeping may remain for a night,but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Blessings of comfort.....

I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and awesome words in this time of struggle for me.

Tonight we received an amazing dinner from my neighbor friend JoAnna from JoAnna's Creative Expressions. She and her mom made Chicken casserole, Corn, Green Beans, Rolls and fresh Tomatoes. YUM YUM!!! She also sent over a card and some flowers. You know, God gives blessings when we most need them. Thank you JoAnna for being such a great friend! I appreciate you! I haven't had comfort food like that in a long time and it did help me feel better!

Today has been a little easier. I haven't cried at all today. I have had a couple of twinges of the craziness coming on but with the medicine I am taking I have felt better. Just totally wiped out. I have no energy and feel like I need to just sleep.

Please pray for us tomorrow as George goes back to work. I am sure we will be fine, but I would just appreciate knowing I am not alone.

Well, I am off to get under my quilt and watch some TV. Have a good night.

Prayers needed

Hello all. I am posting to ask for your prayers. This weekend and this moorning I had a bit of a breakdown. OK, more than a bit, I was a MESS! I think with all that I have dealt with in the last year with my step-dad passing away last September and my mom not dealing well with that and seeing her go downhill fast, my church closing and changing churches, trying to exercise and eat right and lose weight while losing sleep, the stress of not knowing if George would have a job or not and keeping my little Zoe at the same time we were starting school--it has all proven to be too much.

It is hard to explain in words what I have been feeling. But everyone I have talked to says that it sounds like anxiety and stress. I can't control the crying. I get to where I am afraid to leave the house bevause I am afraid I will have a panic attack. I can't eat because I am so sick. There are waves of this that have consumed me the last few days. I have even had a hard time having a conversation with people. I am still unsure if it is something physical or if it is just stress/anxiety. I went to the doctor and they did lots of blood work and I go for some tests in the morning to make sure everything is working right on the inside. Then I go on Friday to see my regular doctor and get all the results. Also my blood pressure was way high today.

After talking to Zoe's mom, she is deciding to put Zoe in daycare. It seems that keeping her is just too much for me right now. I am sad but I understand her point. Please continue to pray for her too and I am sure I will be keeping in touch with them about her surgery and I will let you all know.

This is tough for me because I usually have a good handle on things. Please pray that the doctor will be led by God and know what the problem is and how to help me. I am pretty desperate right now and have had lots of feelings of hopelessness, fear, panic. And I know this stuff isn't from God, it isn't His will for me to feel this way. That is why it is so hard to not be able to just snap out of it.

I will update when I feel better. Thank you all in advance!

Awesome music.....

Good Saturday morning. I wanted to share a song with you that has really touched my heart. It is "Heal the Wound" from Point of Grace.

Here are the lyrics.

HEAL THE WOUND

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar



The part that really caught my ear was:
"I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar."

I have always wanted to forget where I came from because it always made me feel so dirty and bad. I knew I was free from my past and that God had cleansed me but I wanted to never remember it again. I have tried to cover those scars all of my life. Even though the wounds are healed I didn't know how to really deal with the scars. But seeing those scars is what keeps me on my knees and reminds me how merciful God is. Even though I'm free-Heal the wound but PLEASE God, leave the scars!

Here is the video from YouTube. Make sure to go all the way down on my page and pause my other music before you play this video. Listen to the words and let God minister to you through this song like He has me!

End of my week! YAY!!

Well, today is Thursday and it was my last day of work. It is wonderful to see Zoe's little face but I have to say having a little 2 month around again has added some extra work to my day!

School has gone really good. Jacob has been challenged already and is glad to be doing school again. Amber has been BEGGING to do school! She LOVES it! And even little Nathan is doing a little stuff and has his own school folder. He also loves it! I haven't gottne Zoe coloring yet but give me a few weeks. LOL

Nathan is going tomorrow to get his 2 year old check up and shots. :0(
I guess tomorrow afternoon will be filled with cuddling and hugs. He does pretty good but he usually runs a fever. And with him being older now it will be a little harder for me. It is tough to see the look in his little eyes when he gets shots.

I just wanted to give a little update while I had a minute.

Hope you all have a GREAT weekend!!!

Out of touch.....

I have been having a hard time keeping up with everything. I have yet to make a schedule so I feel like I am just barely getting by from day to day.

We started school yesterday and it is going pretty good. I am slowly figuring things out and getting things set like I need them to make things go easier. Today was better hands down!

I want to say I am sorry for not replying to any of your comments or for commenting on your blogs. I have had a few minutes here and there to check stuff and I quickly read and move on. I don't want to get too far behind so I am trying to check in as much as I can.

I will not be blogging as much but I will be blogging when I have time. I am sure I will get all of this smoothed out in time and have the time that I need. And as soon as I remember to get a picture of little Zoe I will post it on here, please continue to pray for her.

I will talk to you all soon!

My music

Hello all, I have changed my music player.
Scroll down and check out my new songs!

Trusting......

Well, my work week is officially over. I will only be keeping Zoe Monday-Thursday. I get to sleep in tomorrow!!!! YAY!!!

It has been a good week. Zoe is getting into a good schedule. And so are the rest of us. We had George here with us today because he got laid off yesterday from his job. We aren't sure how long this is supposed to last but we are trusting God. That is really all we can do right now. I realize that we have never been the ones to provide for our family anyway, God has! So He will continue to do so. Just please pray with us that we will be sensitive to God and His leading through this time. (UPDATE: George was supposed to call after 4 to see what the plan was and see if there was any work for him or to get the plan for his unemployment. He was hired in about a year ago so we really thought he was going to be in the group of about 85 people that are getting laid off. Well, he goes back Monday!!!! PRAISE GOD!!! We are so relieved!!! And he had been told that if he got moved to another job it would be the night shift(bad thing to us!) and this job is day shift!!! God is so good!!! I am in awe right now!)

I am excited about what God has in store for our lives. We are starting a new school year Monday and we are SO ready. I feel like there is a lot of newness that He is bringing into our lives.

Tonight we are going to a steak dinner provided by George's fishing club and April is keeping my kids. HOW EXCITING!! I get a date with my hubby, a free steak dinner and my kids will have a great time with their Aunt April and Uncle Mitch!!! God is good! My kids enjoy going there and that means I can relax and enjoy myself. That makes a difference. THANKS APRIL!!!

Well, I guess I need to go and finish getting everyone ready. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Quick hello...

I am still here. Just getting used to our new schedule and our new Zoe. She is so precious!!! And the best baby. Right now she is sleeping and so is Nathan. Rare act of mercy from my daddy GOD!! LOL

It is getting easier to do this with each day and we are all settling in. Zoe is an only child so this house is a whole new world for her. All the noise and 3 kids, she loves them and laughs at them all the time.

I hope to get a little time over the weekend to post something wise, LOL, and maybe a picture of little Zoe. We will be starting school on Monday so I will have to focus on the last few things that need to be done for that. We also began soccer practice last night.

Lots of changes going on at the Bingham home and we are moving right along! Change is good, truly good! Lots of excitement going on here right now.

I have gotten up early every day this week and worked out and drank my water. I am eating when I get the chance, usually on the run. I forgot about that part of taking care of a little one.

Well, I hope you all are having a good week. Hope to talk to you again soon!

Prayer Request

Hello all!

On Monday I will start keeping my little Zoe. She and her mom came over yesterday so we could get acquainted and she was just precious! It is going to be a blast!!!

I don't have a picture yet but I will post one as soon as I get one. She is about 2 months old and she has a heart condition. She is going to have surgery sometime in September. She has 2 holes in the chambers of her heart and 2 blockages. Please make little Zoe a matter of prayer. She is very healthy considering her condition. She eats normally and is gaining weight just like a baby who isn't sick.

If any of you have ever dealt with this kind of problem with their baby please contact me and give me any information that you may have. Nora(Zoe's mom) asked if I could find out any information to do it, she would appreciate it.

I will update you with more information about her surgery closer to time. Thank you so much for your prayers!